This part of the journey has been very difficult to write about. I suppose because it is, and has been, such a long story with many intertwining, frayed, convoluted, knotted, unseen and un-foreseen emotional and physical threads. I was not even sure that I wanted to delve further into the depths of this relationship yet I knew that I needed to. My relationship with food looks like several, different colored balls of yarn that have been played with by many joyful cats. One could not reproduce the condition or disarray in that jumble of yarn but would be pretty sure that it could never be rolled up into nice, neat, separate balls of yarn again.
I was pondering my food history when I met with Ann Peyton. I had been feeling like I was standing at the entrance of the cave, looking out into the sunshine and a road that meandered through the forest. I could feel the cold and the dark behind me. It was not a place I wanted to be but I seemed unable to step back out onto the road and into the light. Interestingly enough, I was able to leave the cave and float above the forest in the clouds, almost at will. When I no longer concentrated on floating, flying and being free and at peace I seem to be drawn back into the cave. I had been feeling a general condition of malaise that seem to have no origin.
In our session I was relaying some of my history and food story. Ann and said something that was profound. Something along the lines that we do not have to be our past, our history, that we can and should create a new story, a new chapter in our life. We should envision and then produce the story that we desire. Ahhhh, I see now that I was to make some new yarn, knit, then wear a new cloak of nutritional health. Not just where it but incorporate it into my body mind spirit.